As my husband’s CarePartner I get to wear many hats, one of which is coach and motivator. I am expected to help him stay motivated to exercise, take his medications, and continue his fight against this awful disease. I stand beside him on the good days and the not so good days and help him get through the on versus off times with his meds. It can be overwhelming as I try to provide positive support all the time. But who or what is supposed to motivate me?

I asked this question at a recent support group meeting and, of course, the first response was the one I expected most, we all do it out of love. As we went around the room, however, some other thoughts began to emerge. One person shared that they do many things simply because they need to be done and there is no one else to do them. Another person added that she and her husband kept to a schedule and it felt good for her to meet deadlines. Getting things done is gratifying but I feel we finally got to the core of the topic when someone mentioned they stay motivated by taking breaks. They swim several times a week and those breaks enable them to continue the work they need to do at home. I shared that when my husband asks for help I often stop and say “OMG, not again!!!” to myself before continuing on to do what needs to be done. Just that momentary break and release of frustration spurs me into the task at hand which is lovingly and patiently caring for someone with a chronic illness.

Self care is a difficult topic for CarePartners but it doesn’t have to be. Nothing is more motivating than taking a few minutes to simply step away from my role and relax. That might mean sitting quietly with a cup of tea and a good book or a quick stroll around the neighborhood. Neither of us asked for this disease when we committed to sharing our lives together, yet here we are. Now it’s simply time to stay motivated to find the best in each and every day no matter what that looks like.