It’s the old phenomenon where you hire someone to clean your house and then do a quick clean anyway before they come so they won’t think you’re messy. I have in-home care coming twice a week who have tasks designed to lighten my load and yet I still catch myself working to get ready for them. Or when they are here doing stuff I tell them not to worry about it, I’ll catch it later. It’s almost harder to let them do the work for me than it is to do the work myself! The other day my Wednesday lady looked at me and said, “Oh no, I don’t mind it. You just need to go on and enjoy your morning.” So I did.

Then there’s the yard work. I have a wonderful gentleman who comes weekly during the growing months to trim and clean up my yard. It’s not that I can’t do it, It’s just that he does so much better of a job and frees up so much of my time. But, I have flower and vegetable beds that I still choose to do myself. I like to be the one to trim my shrubs. My husband often asks why I don’t let them do it all for me. I’m not sure other than I need to feel I still have some control over our environment and this is where I have decided to draw the line. And when I need to move that line I know that all it takes is a quick text and my gardener is here to help.

Just as it’s hard for my husband to accept there are things he can’t do anymore, so it is for me too. I fantasize about being able to do it all, the house, the yard, and provide appropriate care for my husband and myself, but then I have to step back into reality. Accepting that I needed help was the first step, delegation the second, actually letting go and enjoying the freedom it allows is the third and final. Unfortunately for me, that may be the most difficult part.