I am so tired of learning new things about Parkinson’s Disease, especially since the one thing I want to know, how to make it go away, isn’t available to me. I don’t want to learn more about fixing things around the house or taking care of my yard. I really feel like I’ve been pushed to my limits, I don’t want to have to be any stronger or more capable. I just want it all to stop and to have my husband back. That’s my whining done for the day, time to flip my perspective.

It’s time for me to figure out how to appreciate my new capabilities. There is some pride in fixing little things around the house myself and figuring ways to get bigger things done too. I find pleasure in the blueberries I am growing in our backyard. I may not enjoy all of my new skills, but they keep us going on a daily basis and there is personal satisfaction in that. Watching the man I married standing strong in spite of his diagnosis, reminds me that I must continue to be strong and capable for him.

I miss the life we had and the future we could have had. I regret conversations never shared, trips planned but never taken, all the opportunities Parkinson’s took away from us. Focusing on the losses gets me nowhere, I need to look for the gains. I feel that I have a solid knowledge base about this disease and about being a caregiver. I have become pretty competent at taking care of minor disasters around our home and property. I am more patient and compassionate than I ever thought I could be before he was diagnosed. Finally, I can be strong enough to continue this journey with him wherever it goes.