When we first met, I was so impressed by my husband’s presence. He was intelligent and strong with a calm and capable demeanor. Working together I found him to be supportive and fun loving. We started as friends and, both having been in bad situations before, we each had a solid understanding of what we needed from a good relationship. Our friendship grew into something more as we found our personalities and skills truly complemented each other. It was a good fit, our life as a couple was wonderful, then Parkinson’s joined our team.

The changes brought on by his diagnosis were slow and not very noticeable in the beginning. The tremors started on his left side and were mostly controlled by medication. As things progressed, our roles began to flip with me taking over as primary on many tasks and my husband being my helper. We realized that might not be the best idea when I tried cleaning the gutters while he stabilized the ladder for me. Did I mention that his primary symptom was tremors? For safety’s sake (his and mine) many of those tasks eventually moved into my realm. With responsibilities shifting, there was also a power shift. The more I did, the more I had to decide how and when those things would be done and he had to let them go. It was challenging for both of us.

This shift in direction has changed the dynamic of our interactions. As he becomes more dependent on me for daily activities, out of necessity not desire, it influences who we are as a couple. It’s a delicate balance as I try to take on more without taking away from who he is. Stepping back when I’m not really needed, encouraging him to do what he can, giving opportunities to try challenging tasks, are all ways that I can support his dignity and help him express his independence. As is my understanding that what we are experiencing is not intentional but is all due to the disease he carries. Knowing why it’s happening definitely helps me accept the changes in him and in my role as his wife and CarePartner.