The persona that my husband presents in public is not the person I see at home. We went out to lunch with his son a few days ago and he was able to tell the waitress what he wanted to eat but then he basically shut down. My stepson and I had a good conversation while my husband sat and watched. I did try to draw him out a couple of times but it didn’t work. He told me later that he can’t eat and talk at the same time, I understand that. I’m not sure why he couldn’t engage before the food came?

I so wish that everyone had the same opportunity I have to see my husband at his best. When we are at home alone and he is relaxed, we do talk and enjoy each other’s company. He doesn’t mind if I have to ask him to repeat himself and I remember to go slow to enable communication. When we go out, even when we have guests in, this dynamic changes. He only lets them see his challenges, not the successes that come along with them.

I know that being around others bring added stress and that stress exacerbates his symptoms. I know that strange environments bring additional complications. It frustrates me when I have to be his mouthpiece and buffer to the world. It also frustrates me when I know he has opinions but he waits for me to express them. He has always been the smartest and wisest in the room, I just wish others were able to still see him like I can.