Today I need time to myself to get caught up with some writing and some reading. I would love to be able to lock myself away from the world and put on some calming music. Thankfully our caregiver comes this afternoon, unfortunately she likes to talk, I really wish she would direct it more at my husband. He needs the conversation, I need the quiet.

We have been getting in-home care for a couple of years now and it is still difficult for me to let go and let someone else take care of my husband and my house. If I am here I feel like I need to be engaged, involved, interacting with them. In order to get a break I find myself making up excuses to go out, get away from the house for a couple of hours. But how often can I sit alone at a coffee house or walk the mall? There are times when I really just want to hang out here.

All that is left for me to do is to let everyone know what I need specifically this afternoon and I should be able to take that break. It’s what I want, it’s what I need, but it won’t happen unless I ask for it. Simply telling them that I’m not leaving the house but I’m not accessible unless it’s an emergency, allows me to go back into my space and let the caregiver take over. Then I can put on my headphones, light a candle and zone out trusting that all will be okay. Because it will.