My husband and I used to split the chores on a mostly even basis. He carried much of the outdoor or heavier tasks and I picked up many of the indoor chores. We worked together and helped each other often to make sure everything was done. As his disease progressed, things changed and I found myself taking over, leaving him to do less and less as each year passed. I recently realized that perhaps I took on too much because I often exclude him completely from tasks and that isn’t appropriate at all.

We recently took on a home repair project and I started taking control. I heard myself talking about my house and the changes I wanted without considering that my husband should have input. Especially since the repair involved the garage, an area that contains many of his personal items and memories. We chose this house together and have paid for it together. It is our home, not mine, and I need to respect that.

I stepped back and opened a discussion about the work that needed to be done and ways for him to help. We set up a chair and table in the garage where he spent an afternoon sorting his tools. We went together to take a load of things to the hazardous waste site and he has been a part of most conversations I am having with the contractor. As a pleasant and unexpected result he has begun helping me with other chores, folding laundry, putting dishes away, making the bed, things we used to do together. While doing tasks together may take a bit more time, it also strengthens our relationship and reminds us of who we are. Sharing the load always makes it lighter.