I have a head and chest cold. I cannot quarantine from my husband and even if I could, chances are he was exposed to my germs before the symptoms arrived. It’s a very difficult situation being the live-in caregiver for another human being because you don’t have an escape route when things like this happen. So, I try to avoid sneezing or coughing in his vicinity, I use disinfectant spray and wipes around the house, I am reheating meals from the freezer rather than cooking for him. And somewhere in the middle of all that, I’m trying to take care of myself so I’ll get better. He woke me up with his coughing last night and this morning his cold is fully engaged.

Perhaps I should have masked up when I first started feeling symptoms. Perhaps I should have called someone else to come over and take care of my husband while I went into isolation for a few days. But our family is too busy and our house is too small and, as I said before, he probably was exposed before either of us realized I was getting sick. It was a no-win situation.

We plod on. I take cold medication and he takes acetaminophen to alleviate the symptoms. We hibernate together and I keep sanitizing things hoping to kill any virus present in the air. The only positive aspect is that I am starting to feel better as he is going in the other direction so we’ll make it through. I need to remember sometimes I can do my best and things are still going to go wrong, it’s just the way it is on this blasted Parkinson’s journey.

We belong to a monthly support group that is sponsored by our local Parkinson’s organization. It was our first real connection with the local PD community and has been a great resource for us on this journey. At our last meeting one of the newer members mentioned that she enjoyed our meetings especially when they were “fun”. She particularly mentioned our recent holiday event with a sing along. We made sure to leave time for everyone to check in but the focus at that meeting wasn’t just on PD, it was on having a good time.

The primary support group that we are a part of tends to be more structured. A fellow CarePartner and I decided we needed something more and started a monthly breakfast gathering. We split the couples up, sending our hubbies to another table. It opens the door for different conversations and they always complain that we laugh too much. Finally, when some of us still wanted more opportunities to connect we added a monthly “Happy Hour” at a local brewpub. It is easily accessed and serves non-alcoholic drinks for those who want it and they have great snacks. There is no agenda and we leave the PD talk at the door.

Parkinson’s is a very isolating illness. My husband doesn’t socialize at all unless it is with family or at these pre-arranged Parkinson’s gatherings. I believe it’s because he recognizes this is a safe place where people accept and understand the challenges he faces. He has a chance to interact with people other than me or his caregiver. It is a great way for us to bring back some of the fun.  

I have taken over control of our banking, not so much because of my husband’s cognitive state but more because it’s difficult for him to handle physically. Phone calls, balancing accounts, making sure everything gets paid on time, just the general stuff that it takes to manage our home have become challenging and it is easier for me to take care of those tasks. That doesn’t mean he isn’t part of the process, we discuss how and where our money is spent and he has input on all the important decisions.

This practice involves negotiation and compromise, respecting that each other’s opinions and needs are equally important. Also, as his Parkinson’s symptoms progress, I sometimes find the need to invoke executive control. His reasoning and decision making can be impacted by PD even in the absence of other signs of dementia. Granted I know his disease slows thinking processes, but the uncertainty inherent in a life with PD also seems to make him more hesitant in making some decisions.

I would love to be able to split the duties again, have him be in charge of specific things while I manage others. Unfortunately, those days are gone. Instead we are facing a time when I will be making all the decisions and simply telling him about them. I am not looking forward to that and hope it is a long way off. In the meantime we keep talking, negotiating and working things out as best we can.

I read my horoscope in our local newspaper on a pretty much daily basis and most days I get a good chuckle out of it. Today, for example, I am told not to be envious of what a friend might have but go and get it for myself. Seriously? But, occasionally whoever writes the predictions strikes a note. I have one such clipping hanging by my desk and I’d like to share it with you.

“If you never let the pendulum swing, you don’t get the rebound energy. You don’t get restored you just keep getting stretched thinner. Rest isn’t about a break from progress- it’s what makes progress possible.” (From Your Horoscope By Holiday Mahis of Creators Syndicate, published in the Columbian Weekender Edition, August 23-24, 2025)

Wow talk about prophetic! As a Parkinson’s CarePartner, I need this reminder on a regular basis. I especially like the part that talks about getting stretched thinner, I certainly know how that feels. There is never enough time, I always feel like there’s more to be done. It’s so easy to get caught up in everything we have to do that I forget all about the things I want to do.

Today I am going to try and let my pendulum swing, even if it’s only finding moments of rest to gather up some of that rebound energy. Let’s see where it takes me.

Psychology Today defines Mindfulness as “a state of active, open attention to the present”. I always thought that meant formal meditation, a tool that has always escaped me. My overly active mind would not stop thinking and shut down no matter how much I tried to push those random thoughts away. It was when I broadened my thinking to include activities that tie me to the present moment that I was finally able to understand and appreciate the experience of being mindful.

I was participating in a breathing exercise once when it started to click. If I focused on my breath and how my body felt instead of trying to clear my mind entirely I was able to relax for a brief period. I found another opportunity during a movement class I attended with my husband. The instructor would take us through a stretch and then encourage us to stop and think about how our muscles felt. It felt great being in the moment, I was being mindful and didn’t even realize it. Maybe my practice needed to include some kind of movement?

Guided yoga has become my weekly mindfulness routine. I listen to my trainer and focus on following her instructions with my body. I have to stay physically and mentally connected to each moment, each breath. The lesson always finishes with Savasana, or corpse pose, where she calmly talks us through a full body check-in. For that 50 minutes the challenges I face as a PD CarePartner don’t exist and life is just about connecting with me. Self-care at its best.

The first time I visited our local Parkinson’s support group I was overwhelmed by the diversity in the room. There were people at all stages of the disease and their CarePartners. Some were in wheelchairs, some used walkers, some were very mobile just like my husband. The most important thing that I found that day was that we were not the only people in our home town facing this challenge. It was eye-opening and wonderful to see that there was a community welcoming us, offering understanding and support. Thanks to our regional Parkinson’s Organization, we were not facing this alone.

Through this initial contact we learned of local classes and resource fairs. We found boxing classes that my husband enrolled in and our community expanded to include his fellow boxers. He became involved in studies at the college where we found more connections. On our own, we discovered webinars and other on-line opportunities to learn more about his diagnosis of PD and my role as his CarePartner. We discovered an amazing network of support that exists for People with Parkinson’s and CarePartners too.

There are still days when I feel disconnected but then I simply remind myself of all the local, national and even worldwide resources available to us. If I am still feeling lonely I can join the Parkinson’s Buddy Network through the Michael J Fox Foundation or I can reach out to one of the ambassadors at the Davis Phinney Foundation. I can always call the Parkinson’s Foundation Helpline and speak with a caring professional. There is a safety net waiting for me, I just need to remember to use it.

For more on the MJFF Buddy Network click https://parkinsonsbuddynetwork.michaeljfox.org/v2/; to find and speak with a DPF Ambassador, click https://davisphinneyfoundation.org/find-an-ambassador/?relationship=i-am-a-care-partner; and finally if those don’t work check out the Parkinson’s Foundation Helpline at https://www.parkinson.org/resources-support/helpline.

My husband and I have been facing some difficult days following an injury to his knee and my own health issues. I had an opportunity to speak with my sister yesterday who owned an in-home care agency at one point in her life. Thanks to that experience she has become one of my expert advisors. Even though it has been years since she was in that role, she has stories to share and tips they used to help get clients through challenges. She is also a great listener and with her knowledge of my father’s journey with PD, she has somewhat of an understanding of what we are facing.

Back to yesterday’s conversation, she reminded me that when things go haywire it might be good to have an emergency button we could push to summon help. We talked through how my cell phone might be the replacement for that but, in that case I need to keep it close. We discussed the problem of letting someone into the house when the front door is locked. She shared that some former clients had lockboxes on their front porches with a key. They could give emergency responders the code to get the key and let themselves in. I shared that we have a garage door code that might work in the same way.

It was good for me to be able to debrief what happened in this last episode with someone knowledgeable about possible support. I feel that I have a better, clearer plan now thanks to her advice. Who knew my big sister would still be teaching me stuff at this age?

It’s been a tough week at our house. My husband hurt his knee which has limited his mobility even more than normal. I had a fainting episode trying to help him and so together we’ve been a mess. I’m okay but working with my doctor to try and figure out why I fainted. My husband has been getting used to his new transport chair as he lets his leg and knee rest. Thank goodness for family, friends and in-home care or I don’t know how either of us would have made it through.

I was out on the floor next to our bed when my husband told me I needed to call someone for help. I agreed but told him it would have to wait until a bit later. Once we were both up, I reached out to our home care agency and they were able to send our caregiver over immediately. My next call was to my doctor’s office because I certainly didn’t want to go to the ER knowing how bad those visits can be. They were able to schedule an appointment in a couple of hours. I called my son and he accompanied me to the doctor’s office. He came back the next day to check in and take me grocery shopping. Finally, this is the week I have a monthly breakfast with fellow PD CarePartners, I texted one of them to let her know what happened and ask for help with the group since I won’t be able to attend.

It is tough for me to ask for help and even more difficult to accept it. In this case where both of us needed assistance, I knew I couldn’t manage. When my husband’s caregiver arrived she immediately stepped in to make sure I was okay too. My son was taking a few days off work but didn’t think twice when I called. My fellow CarePartners will be just fine without me. I am so thankful to have an awesome support network who provide care for both of us, I just hope they all understand that we are here for them too.  

We have a commitment today that will be stressful for both of us and impact our regular routine. I know in advance that it can potentially take a couple of days for us to recover from what would be to anyone else a minor disruption. Yet we will go in a desire for life to be as normal as possible and hope for the best. We’re looking at the possibility of a couple of bad days, so I’m going to have to look for opportunities to turn that around.

First of all knowing that this one activity will be difficult, nothing else gets added to our schedule. We both are going to need rest breaks today. Second of all, I look at my to-do list with the goal of simplifying today’s load as much as possible to free me up in case my husband needs more assistance. I need to be prepared just in case. Finally, I need to be attentive and ready to cut and run when things go too far. In other words, I need to keep my priorities straight. When my husband is done and ready to come home, we come home.

I can’t make this situation go away, but I can do my best to minimize any negative impacts. My husband tells me that I overthink things making them more difficult and I know he is right. The more I stress, the more he stresses which it can turn a good day into a not so good one. I’ll adjust my attitude, we’ll get through this, and life will be back to normal in a couple of days. I just need to let go of my worries and manage with whatever happens. It might surprise me.

The holidays are a great time for plans. I have a plan for shopping, we have plans for family activities and plans for private time together, we have a plan for all those family and personal traditions. What I don’t always remember to plan for is when everything goes sideways which can happen so easily with Parkinson’s Disease. It can be a fall, a virus, an appointment that can’t be changed. There are a lot of potential complicating factors when you are dealing with a chronic illness.

One basic tip to remember when making any plans is flexibility. We never know for sure that any given day is going to be a good or bad one. What I do know is the stress that comes with holiday gatherings always triggers my husband’s symptoms so things can change quickly. I make sure to communicate this to friends and family. I let them know that whether we are able to participate in activities can be dependent on the day and we may only have a short window of time to be there.

This year the sideways jaunt had nothing to do with my husband’s diagnosis but instead is because of a death in the family. We learned mid-December that a cousin had lost her battle with cancer. The day we had set aside for our family holiday celebration is now the day we will be attending her memorial service. A phone call and a couple of texts and now the family get-together will be a recap of the holidays sometime in January. Flexibility, adaptability, and reality working together will allow us the opportunity to celebrate even if it isn’t quite what we planned for in the first place.