caregiver

Constant stress is a component of the journey. Be mindful of the tools you use for relief.

I have mentioned this statistic before, more than 60% of spouses caring for their partner with a chronic illness die earlier than their non-caregiving peers. The constant stress we face is a huge contributor to our higher mortality rate. I am on duty with my husband 24 hours a day and, other than the hours when we are both sleeping, I am checking to make sure he is okay. I even sometimes wake in the middle of the night and listen for his breathing. This continual state of alert takes a toll on my health.

My stress reduction plan includes exercise, deep breathing, taking breaks to read a good book and journaling. Weekly yoga classes provide an opportunity for meditation, neighborhood walks are great for clearing my head. Reading alongside my husband allows for a mental escape and gives us something to talk about. In those moments when I feel like I’m about to explode, nothing calms me faster than to step back and take a couple of deep breaths.

I often joke with fellow CarePartners about the value of a good glass of wine on a long and difficult day. Or even on a normal day, come to think of it. Those single glasses of wine are acceptable as long as they are only one piece of my stress relief program. Chocolate and other sweets are also options for dealing with the daily pressures. Again, not a problem when eaten in moderation. I just need to remember that sticking with my healthier choices like exercise and journaling keeps me present in the moment, which is always better for my husband and for me.

For more on the stress we all face as CarePartners, visit “Caregiver Health” on the Family Caregiver Alliance website. To learn more alleviating some of that, visit “Caregiver Self-Care: Caring for You” on that same website.

Make sure that paid helpers in your life, and especially the agency they work for, understand their value.

Monday was International Nurse’s Day, a good time to recognize the Certified Nursing Assistants who provide care for my husband. I was able to give thanks to our Monday helper but, unfortunately, our Wednesday caregiver called in sick. The agency didn’t have a replacement and their scheduler apologized for the inconvenience. While I truly do appreciate the help, her apology didn’t set well with me because I am not sure she understands what not having them here means to me. It goes so much beyond an inconvenience, they have become my lifeline.

Without a caregiver I missed my yoga class, a key component of my self-care program. I go with a friend so it’s also a social experience for me. I missed my weekly trip to the grocery store and had to rethink my menu plan to make sure we were covered. I will have to fit shopping in another day while my husband is at an exercise class and it will be rushed which adds stress to my life instead of taking it away. All of the household tasks our Wednesday helper normally does for me will either have to wait a week or I will have to do them myself, again adding stress. Most importantly, that midweek break that I have come to depend on is gone.

I have tried to express the importance of these activities to everyone working at the agency and will again let them know how disappointed I am at losing their services this week. I know they are struggling to find good Caregivers and understand that they cannot control when folks need a day off. I just want to make sure they understand that it is so much more than just an inconvenience. Perhaps then they will try a little harder to have the support available when we need it.