We recently celebrated my birthday. There was a time when we would have had a big family get together and a cake from a local bakery to top it off. It was a lot of work for my husband who had to plan it all and for me, as we got the house ready and prepared the food. While it is always fun to celebrate together, lately it seems like it might be more work than it is worth as we both get older and less capable of doing it all.

This year outside influences kept our celebration small. I convinced my husband to help me bake and frost a cake. We picked up our dinner from a local restaurant. Then, we sat down and enjoyed our meal with a glass of wine before watching some of our favorite tv programs. It was a quiet evening, yet very relaxing. I think that we may be setting a new norm for future events thanks to forces beyond our control.

I have always enjoyed sharing celebrations with loved ones but at what cost? Sometimes we try too hard to keep things as they have been and add stress to an already challenging time. I have found that it is important to take an honest look at what we do remembering that my husband’s diagnosis has brought about some changes in our lives and our capabilities. What can we actually do that won’t overcome either of us? I am learning that it may be better to plan simple activities rather than to try and do everything we have always done, just because we have always done them. Instead, I will be thankful that we have another celebration to share and find ways to make it enjoyable for both of us as we create new memories of loving times.