There are days when it is more difficult to see beyond the illness. I am sure it must also be difficult for my husband to remember who he once was. He also has to try to look at me and see the woman he fell in love with rather than the bossy, pushy caregiver that I sometimes become. PD has changed both of us and our relationship is different. Now, more than ever, we need to remember and work on maintaining what brought us together in the first place. Holding tight to that love, even if sometimes it is through memories, can help us get through any current challenges. 

We recently began working out with a new trainer and it was tough. The first day of class, she was moving faster than either of us were able to manage. I found myself pushing my husband to do more, better, faster, when he finally got angry and yelled back that he was doing the best he could with his tremor. I have since realized that it was a difficult workout and if I was struggling, of course he would be even more. I was looking at him and seeing what he couldn’t do rather than the effort he was putting forth. When I stopped and saw how hard he was trying, I realized that he was doing a great job and, yes we both have a ways to go to be able to participate fully, but he was getting the exercise he needed.

If I remember not to look at my husband as someone with PD but to look at him as someone I love who has PD, I find he is still there. We both have adapted to this new reality in our lives but “we” are still here as we continue this journey in love and understanding.