However, I learned a long time ago that crafting my questions carefully was an important skill I needed to develop. I try not to ask yes/no questions unless they are really appropriate. Things like “Did you take your meds?” or “did you shut off the water” need definitive responses. Whenever possible I try to use open ended questions that require more than a one-word answer. An example might be “Which of your meds did you take now?” requiring him to think and respond. It might still be only the name of the medication but it has required more brain effort.

Another thing that I have learned is only to ask questions that I really want him to answer. If I have a project I am working on and I know how I want it to go, I don’t want to ask for his advice because he will want to do it another way. If I only have chicken defrosted for dinner, I might ask “how would you like the chicken cooked tonight?” but I would not ask what do you want for dinner because he would ask for beef.

I do ask my husband how he is feeling every day. It helps me know what to expect from him and helps me plan my day. Just this past week I had a very busy day scheduled and I needed to know that he was going to be okay. Unfortunately, when I asked him how he was doing he replied that it was a “low energy” day. I tabled some of my projects and we took the day a bit slower so that he could rest and recharge. Asking appropriate questions sends me in the right direction as I work to provide the care he needs.