I came home from a recent support group meeting and looked at myself in the mirror. It was then that I realized I hadn’t combed my hair before leaving the house. Thank goodness it was a group of fellow CarePartners because they understand and forgive me if I appear frazzled. After all, they all have similar situations and know exactly what I mean when I say it’s been an interesting day (week? year?).

I find it interesting that I always try to give my husband a quick check, not that he knows it, before we go anywhere. I want to make sure he looks his best because he has always been very careful with his appearance. He may be wearing blue jeans and a sweatshirt but they need to be clean. He likes to be clean shaven and well-groomed, so I do what I can to support that. Me, on the other hand, I just like to get out the door at approximately the right time so we won’t be late. Maybe it’s with combed hair, maybe not, I guess. I often turn to him as we are headed for the car and ask if I look okay. I know he will say “sure”, no matter what I really look like. He is so kind.

Looking good takes time, being good is a constant state. I have decided that my appearance needs to be acceptable but I don’t have the energy to worry about more than that. It is more important that I spend my energy trying to be kind, open and supportive. If I have clothes on and am getting things done, then great. If I have also combed my hair and washed my face, even better still, but I am not going to stress over it. If I am happy and my husband’s needs are met, then I know I am doing what needs to be done and all is okay.