My husband wears tennis shoes with laces and his new pair are difficult for him to tie. Of course, since I am there anyway helping him with his socks, I volunteered to tie them. I don’t wear shoes with ties having replaced them with slip-ons years ago. I have arthritis in my fingers which makes the job difficult and even painful at times, yet here I am being the good caregiver and doing it for him anyway.

I was at a CarePartner get-togethers yesterday morning and someone else at the table asked about shoes. The discussion led to my situation of helping him with his laces, which seems minor, yet it is a challenge for me. Two of the other people shared that they have switched out their husband’s shoelaces for elastic laces. It was like a lightbulb went off in my head. Of course, I still have to get him to agree to try them but what a great solution to something so basic.

Which brings me back to my original thought, when my husband asks me to do something for him that I won’t do for myself, I need to stop simply saying yes. I had valid reasons to stop wearing shoes that needed to be tied. I need to respect my own limitations in providing care for my husband. There may be times when I am asked to do things that are difficult, and I will choose to do them anyway. I do need to remember that if it is something I wouldn’t do for myself, then perhaps I shouldn’t be doing it for him either. We can always find a better solution that works well for both of us.