I don’t live in my husband’s body. I don’t know what aches and pains he has today versus yesterday. I know that he has good and bad days, I don’t always know which we are dealing with today. I don’t know when he is trying his hardest because his abilities vary from day to day. I don’t know if his meds are on or off, I don’t know which of the multiple tasks he is trying to do at a given time are the most difficult for him. I do know that he gets tired of hearing me constantly pushing him to do more.

I like to think that my “gentle reminders” are encouraging. Stand up straight dear, stretch up higher dear, bigger steps with purpose dear. But are they really? At what point does it tip over into just noise that he tunes out? There are times when I need to speak up. We go for walks in the neighborhood and he sometimes gets ahead of himself so I remind him to slow down and regain control before he falls. His feet sometimes freeze and I may give him a touch or a verbal cue. When he struggles to get out of a chair, I remind him of the sit to stand mantra- nose over toes and up he goes. It doesn’t work but it helps lighten the mood.

The thing I most need to remember is that my husband is the one living with this unpredictable illness. I need to trust that he knows where his limits are and stop trying to push them for him. He understands the value of movement in his situation better than I ever could. I need to remember that encouragement is positive but can quickly turn into negative nagging when it becomes too much. He knows what he can do, I just need to let him do it.