My husband does a lot of things for himself and I am happy to encourage him as long as he is able to do them safely. We don’t always agree on what that looks like so for many activities I stand close by in case he needs help, on others I am hands-on to make sure he is okay. I know that on some days he is more capable than others so being close and ready to respond gives him appropriate support regardless of his level of need.

One issue that often comes up is what I think he should do versus what he thinks he can do. It must be awful to have to accept help on tasks that he has always done by himself. It must be especially difficult when his body automatically starts the task before he realizes that it may be more than he can handle. I watch him struggle trying to get off the couch or out of the car. Some days it works, others not so much. I would prefer that he let me help him, he prefers doing it himself even if it takes him multiple tries, uses up a lot of his energy, and can put him in danger of a fall.

In those moments, I need to remember to respect his opinion and defer to him whenever possible. I also need to remember that his safety depends on my  responsiveness. This disease and his symptoms are unpredictable and vary by the day, even by the time of day. It’s tough to know where the line for help is when the line is constantly moving. So, I will stay close, help where he lets me, and know that I am doing my best as his CarePartner. In the end it is always going to be a shared responsibility as we both do what we can to make sure he is safe in whatever situation we find ourselves facing.