We have a caregiver coming one afternoon a week for 4 hours. It’s working well, she helps my husband and does a few chores for me, things he used to do. They go out to the gym together, which gives me some alone time in my house. I can go shopping without feeling nervous about leaving my husband at home. It gives me a much-needed break and forces my husband to interact with another human being. But there are still challenges we need to work out.

For example, I don’t always want or need to go out while she is here. If I don’t leave, they interact with me, whereas I just want to be left alone. I can lock myself away in a back room or go outside so I am not available, but why should I have to? I always make a point to thank the young woman for taking care of my husband and emphasize how much I appreciate having uninterrupted time for my chores, but why do I feel the need to be doing chores? Why can’t I just be here relaxing while she is in charge?

Last week, she mentioned that she was going to change the bedding while I was available to keep an eye out for my husband. I didn’t answer, not sure what to say. I have been thinking about creating boundaries for this time and if it comes up again, I will say (as kindly as possible) that she is here so I don’t have to keep an eye out. I will tell her again how much I appreciate her help, and then walk away. I need for her to be his ‘go to’ person while she is in the house so I can ‘go to’ my quiet place and enjoy the break.