As my husband’s symptoms progress, I realize that I’ve developed an interesting technique for when we’re around other people. I have become a sort of shield or buffer for my husband. I hover and try to make sure he has what he needs, whether he really needs me there or not. I often speak for him or complete his sentences rather than allowing him the respect and the time to participate fully. This really came home yesterday when we got together with family at my sister’s house.

It was a beautiful afternoon and my sister had everything set up outside. I was bringing things in from the car and my husband went on in ahead of me. He found a great seat and was talking with my sister when I joined them. I sat between them and joined in their conversation, not intentionally but in reality taking over for my husband. Later, when we moved to the dinner table again I placed myself between my husband and the rest of the group so I could be there if he needed me.

It was after dinner when I got up to clear our plates, that I got to see the problem I was creating by hovering. With me out of the way, my husband was able to hear what others were saying and started to participate in the ongoing chat. I watched as he shared a story with my brother-in-law and was fully engaged in conversation. They were laughing together and recollecting past adventures. It was so good to see and definitely an eye opener for me.

In the future I am going to try harder not to be a barrier to my husband by stepping back and giving him a chance to engage. I am going to try to be more aware of when I am hovering and let him be. I am going to stop thinking I need to buffer for him and instead let him remind all of us of the amazing and capable person he still is, regardless of his diagnosis of PD.