I was watching a PD CarePartner webinar the other day and they were talking about anger and guilt, two feelings I have come to know well. Of course there was the continual reminder that it’s okay to be angry at Parkinson’s Disease but not at my husband for the many things that are out of his control. And it’s that reality that takes me from my feelings of anger to feelings of guilt. So I learn to put a smile on my face and stuff all the emotions away rather than deal with them. If I just don’t react at all, then how can I do it wrong?

The thing that I forget is that my husband is angry too. He hates what is happening even more than I do and if I can acknowledge my feelings, it could give him a chance to acknowledge his. We could share in the anger at whatever is happening rather than letting it come between us. It would be a healthier way to deal with some of the frustrations we face every day and could ultimately bring us closer in our journey.

I have been at gatherings where we all joined in to shout “I hate Parkinson’s!” before the presentation started. I recall a day at Rock Steady Boxing when we wrote all the symptoms of PD on a white board and then threw rubber balls at it. Both of those were such freeing experiences. It isn’t enough for me to remember to be angry at the disease, not the man, I need to actually put that into words. If I can share those words with my husband, then even better. We can both shout to the treetops how much we hate this disease and what it has done to us. Great for stress relief and voice work; I just hope the neighbors will understand.