It has been a tough week at our house and we are finally getting back to what feels like a more normal space. The reality, however, is that our current normal is very different from what it was just a year or two ago. It feels like each time we go through a tough time, we come back just a little bit further down the road. We adjust to the new routine and keep on going. It’s like we’re on a roller coaster and each time we come down from the highs, we go just a tiny bit lower. The changes are so small, I don’t even notice until I stop and look back at where we’ve been.

We were talking about this at a recent CarePartners breakfast. We all do what needs to be done to keep things going. We step in and help with personal care, with home care, with finances and medical care. When my husband got sick or had a fall, I was suddenly called upon to do even more. As he recovered, those extra duties often stayed with me. I adapted to the new normal and what had been a bad day became just another day.

It’s hard to remember the days before and perhaps that’s okay. If I don’t reflect on how it was, then I don’t feel the loss. It is easier for me to focus positively on what we still have as we move ahead. My role is changing, I feel I am spending more time these days as a caregiver than as a wife, but that may be how it has to be. One of the CarePartners at the table had a great perspective. She talked about “good” days and “not quite so good” days. I think I need to adopt her perspective as I accept and appreciate the new normal in our lives.