I came across a reading recently that talked about the difference between being responsible to someone and being responsible for someone. It was a concept I had never really taken time to consider. Is there a difference between the two and, if so, how does that play into my role of caring for my husband? Does the belief that I am responsible for my husband take away from his independence whereas can being responsible to him give it back?

I am reminded of a conversation I had with a fellow CarePartner about the challenges we face. I said that I feel I am called upon to do things I didn’t sign up for as a wife. She pointed to her ring and said “in sickness and health”. For her the conversation was over. I think this is similar to the question of being responsible to or responsible for. If I am responsible for my husband, I am doing everything for him and basically taking control of his life. I am treating him like a child. If I am responsible to my husband, I am working alongside him to make sure everything is taken care of while still recognizing my own limitations and needs. I am treating him like the adult he is.

It is valuable for me to step back sometimes and consider what I am doing to manage our lives and what I could let go of. There are times when it is best for me to take control but there are also times when I do it simply because it is easier. Being responsible to another human being may not always be the easiest path, but it is best for both of us.