I was helping my husband with his shower this morning when I realized that I couldn’t reach his shoulders. I started to ask him to stand up straight, which never works, but instead said “Can you raise your head towards the ceiling.” The specific instruction was easier for him to translate into action and I was able to finish washing his back. I used this idea later in the day when I was attempting to help him off the couch. The saying we were taught was “nose over toes and up he goes” but it wasn’t working anymore. I decided to be more specific and asked him to bend forward until he could see his toes. This move brought his upper body weight forward and made helping him up much easier. Our new saying is simply “look for your toes”.

This disease is a trickster convincing my husband that he is standing tall when he actually isn’t, convincing him that he’s speaking loudly when he is whispering. It has his perceptions all out of whack.  My pointing these things out doesn’t help, but asking for exactly what is needed in the moment can get us to a positive result. Specific, clear, even step by step direction at times gives him tools he needs to be able to move and act appropriately.

Good communication is a vital component of our relationship and it is also a vital component of helping my husband safely and successfully achieve his activities of daily living. As Parkinson’s makes him process his thoughts differently, I must think about communicating what needs to happen differently. Speaking directly, clearly and keeping these challenges in mind, I find I am learning new phrases that are respectful and reflect dignity for his situation.