sleep

A good night’s sleep is one of the most elusive desires in a CarePartner’s life.

I am so tired, excuse the pun, of people telling me how important it is to get a good night’s sleep. I totally know this. What I don’t know is how it can be possible while I am living with a husband who has Parkinson’s Disease. I remember the good old days when I would go to bed at 11 and not wake up until 8. It was wonderful. Now I try to be in bed around 10 and, while we still don’t get up until 8, I am lucky if I get 4 or 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep during that time.

He would tell you that it is not all his fault, and he would be right. I have a bladder that wakes me at least once every night and we both have medications to take that get us out of bed briefly at 6. Menopause, in all its glory, has left me with night sweats that randomly interfere with my sleep. However, when he needs to get up at night, whether to use the bathroom, get into a new position, or adjust his side of the bed, I get to help and then I am wide awake. Regardless of which one of us wakes me, I am losing that deep restful sleep we all need.

I have spoken about this to medical doctors, therapists, an acupuncturist, a massage therapist and a chiropractor. They were all very “helpful” and had lots of the same suggestions about creating a healthy sleep environment, yet none of it worked. My only solution has become to let the bad night happen and then take naps during the day whenever I can. My chores for that day may not get done but so what. I make it through and, hopefully, the next night goes better and gives me a chance to catch up.

Sleep deprivation is a common challenge for CarePartners.

I know I didn’t need to say it, but getting a full night’s sleep is one of the biggest challenges I face in caring for my husband. It takes me longer to go to sleep because I can’t let go of the worries of the day. My sleep is disturbed because I am still aware of any noises or movements he makes at night. We get up to take meds or use the bathroom and then my brain won’t let me go back to sleep. The reality is that I sleep less and the sleep I get is less restful which impacts my health overall.

What can I do? GREAT question and there are lots of answers available but do any of them really work? AARP shares 4 tips and their resources for caregivers that I can try. Their suggestions include creating a restful space for yourself to sleep which may be in another room, I don’t want to leave my marital bed to get a good night’s sleep. They suggest setting aside a time each day for worries, but then how do you keep them from creeping back in the middle of the night? I already have a bedtime ritual that is supposed to promote sleep and it works on occasion. Their final idea is to use relaxation techniques to help me transition into a more peaceful state of mind, something that has never helped.

It seems like I am being negative in this blog and that isn’t my intention, I’m just being realistic. One thing that has helped me is talking with fellow CarePartners and knowing I’m not alone in this challenge. Some of them have found success with melatonin supplements, others use cbd drops. I have spoken with my Primary care doctor because she needs to know that I am facing this challenge and has been working to help me eliminate any physical reasons that might be causing insomnia.

I have decided to look at those middle of the night awakenings as opportunities to get up and have some quiet time for myself. A piece of toast and some warm milk, a good book and my cat. I know I’ll pay for it tomorrow, but hopefully there’ll be time for a nap. If not, there’s always tomorrow night and maybe I’ll actually be able to sleep it through.

For more on sleep and caregivers, check out this NIH article “It’s Been a Hard Day’s Night”, Sleep Problems in Caregivers for Older Adults. The AARP article I reference can be found at Tips for Better Sleep While Caregiving.