writing

If being a Parkinson’s CarePartner wasn’t enough, there will be times when life throws you a curve. Don’t fret because you can’t possibly be ready for everything that happens.

Writing this blog has been therapy for me. I can write about the things that are complicating our lives and know the people reading these words will understand. It’s a great way for me to work through feelings and frustrations. Imagine my upset when the last piece I wrote got lost somewhere in the on-line blog machine that hosts my site and I couldn’t figure out what had happened. It was a major curve in what had been a pretty good day.

I am not a huge techie and suddenly I was seeing all kinds of ugly outcomes. I just knew my blog had been hi-jacked, but why anyone might want to do that didn’t really make any sense. I tried to reach the host site, but they weren’t available by phone and emails were taking too long. I jumped into a dark hole with both feet and was ready to delete the entire blog and close the site. My loving husband  finally suggested that since I had reported the issue it was time to step back and let the professionals do their work before making any rash decisions.

The next morning I finally got my answers. It seems there had been an internal glitch that was redirecting posted messages within the host site and several blogs were impacted including mine. I was assured that no one had hi-jacked my site or done anything nefarious and that they were working to correct the problem.

The lesson I gleaned from all of this was not to over-react. Life is too out of control already and when I felt I had lost one more piece, I lost it myself. Thankfully, all is back in order and the blog can continue. Getting upset didn’t do me any good and things were cleared up in a timely manner. So, my message for today is when life throws me a curve, I’m going to try to act appropriately and keep on doing those things that matter most. We’ll see if I am able to stick to that.

You don’t always have to be the strong one.

There are times, like today, when all I want is for someone to give me a great big hug and tell me that it’s all going to be okay. It’s weird because today hasn’t been a difficult day, no falls or major incidents, yet I just feel the need to let go and let someone else take over for a minute. I really think that having just that minute would be enough for me to release the pressure that builds up. Then I could get on with my day.   

I could turn to my husband, but then I feel guilty because he thinks my stress is all his fault. It’s not. Let me say that again, I know it’s not. I don’t blame him for this disease and the challenges it has brought, nor for the additional responsibilities I have taken on around our house. I see his struggles and the strength he needs to keep going on a daily basis. I certainly don’t want to be a drain for him. Unfortunately, unless I go knock on the neighbor’s door, there’s no one else around and I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t understand.

So, I find a quiet time when I can come to my room, take off my superwoman cape, and let go of all the expectations and duties. I take that minute I need to practice self-calming techniques. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, I massage my face and hands, especially those acupressure points between my eyebrows and between my thumb and forefinger. I wrap my arms around myself and say the words, “you’re okay today” because I know it’s true. I am strong enough to face whatever life as a CarePartner decides to throw at me, I just don’t have to be all the time.

For more information on acupressure points visit the Healthline webpage Pressure Points for Anxiety; additional information on breathing techniques can be found at Relieving Stress in the Moment by Livongo-zen.com.